Say Something

Why is it so difficult to let people know that you appreciate them and care for them? Why is it that we, as people, only wait for days that we are “allowed” to let people know how we feel? Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. If someone means so much to you why don’t you only let then know as often as you can? Why can’t people just pick the phone on a random day and say, “Hey, I just called to say that I really appreciate having you in my life”? LOL! How would you react if someone called you and said that to you? You’d probably think something was wrong or there is some ulterior motive. Well that is sad, isn’t it? Why has society made us numb to receiving and giving praise? Why does it feel weird to say some of these things? Why is it easier to say something bad about someone and so hard to say something good? How easy is it to send a text, a card, flowers or just a simple phone call? It’s VERY EASY! Guys I suggest that you holla at someone and just let them know you care! Life is too short and someone who is here today may not be here tomorrow! Wouldn’t it be a great feeling knowing that people you care about actually know that you care and that you are there for them?

Say something!

Under Construction

From a very young age I considered myself a “Christian”. I even accepted Christ as Saviour a long time ago! I can honestly say that I’ve loved Jesus since I was about 10 or even younger! But I didn’t have any victory, growth and progress in my life! In fact I backslid so badly that I think I got unsaved, if that is even possible.

And then almost a year ago (end of November) I realised that something was missing in my life. I needed more from what I had. I knew that God loved me and that even though I lived in sin He still came through for me in very impossible situations. What I was missing was victory. I wasn’t living in the strength and power that comes with victory and conquering sin through the guidance of the Holy Spirit!

This year God has moved in my life in leaps and bounds! I found what was missing in the equation for real success in life! Lordship! I had God in my life but I didn’t do what He called me to do! Its sad how many people go through life living like I did, honestly thinking that God is happy with the way I was living! The truth is He is not! He still loves us but we hurt Him and disappoint Him when we live like this.

At the point where I was, let’s say a month ago, with my walk with Christ I thought I was almost there! Almost where God wants me or has called me to be in terms of my commitment to Him! But I realised that I’ve still got a long way to go! Jesus calls us to take up our cross and follow Him daily! He also calls us to sell all our possessions and follow Him. Now what is meant by possessions is not your car, your house or mobile phone, even though that may be the case! It is rather the things of the world that you hold dear to you that stop you from fully following Jesus Christ!

Last week I got convicted! And convicted HARD! Simba, Chax, Zii and I were studying. We were hitting an all nighter when we started talking about music and its effect on people (now that is another blog in itself). Then we got on to the subject of laying things down that slow us down in our Walk! That is when it came to me that the music I listen to, most of it does not glorify God in anyway and rather talks of things of the devil, like lust, violence and other immoral things. But here is the thing, I love music so much! I have over 8000 songs in my iPod. God has called me to delete ALL the songs there that He doesn’t want me listening to and that is probably 7000 songs gone! It has to be done though! It is only through following Christ and doing what He says do we experience true power and victory!

God had also called me to quit my job! The funny thing about this is that God has been giving me hints all along the way that it’s time I gave it up. I really stopped enjoying work and had a million excuses why I didn’t enjoy it and why I should quit. Then during the same conversation with the boys, I realised the real reason I wanted out. I was putting myself in totally Godless places. And to tie it in with the music thing… some of the music I played just didn’t appeal to my spirit and yet I was feeding people this empty garbage! Some of the functions I’ve done are simply immoral to say the least. For instance a few months ago I did a singles party where people “hook up” and in most instances go home with each other. I can see why God doesn’t want me to see or be part of these things! They lead people astray and they really take away from me, spiritually! The money from this job was more than excellent! Working just two nights a week took care of expenses and then some! But I know because I’m doing what God wants me to do that financially I’ll be great without this job! In any case I’m graduating soon so I might as well start looking for a real job.

Anyway, the point of all this is that even though I’ve grown so much spiritually I am still under construction, we all fall short of the glory of God. No matter how much I grow spiritually there is always and will always be room for growth and improvement! We all are under construction and will be until we return to the Father! We have to realise that there are things that are part of the construction process and that includes selling your possessions. What are the things of the world that are slowing down your construction process? Ask God to reveal what they are to you! It will save you a lot of time and pain later because God always gets His way! Even if He has to make you walk around in the dessert for 40 years when actually the journey could have taken you days!

Exposed

Hi blog friends, it’s been a while since my last blog entry. I’ve been lacking the inspiration to write anything, yet alone something even worth reading. But hey! I’m back but I cannot guarantee the worthiness of this piece of amateur prose, being worth reading…

Before I start let me say that there is no specific incident or occurrence that inspired the words of this blog. I’m just expressing myself as these feelings arise or as I have certain revelations… So the only thing you should be reading into are the words on the screen and not on the street. LOL!

Anyway with all that housekeeping aside….

What do you see when you look at Ndu? (Funny, this question actually relates to the blog carol wrote…) After talking to people and trying to understand how I look in the public eye (even though it doesn’t really matter to me as such). I really see that many people have me confused and they often misunderstand me or don’t see the full picture! So by now you should be getting the reason I called this blog entry “Exposed”. I’m about to expose a truth about me that people don’t really know or really understand…

I’m a really, really shy person! (I can imagine people laughing… but it’s cool coz I’m laughing too) That is really unbelievable coz y’all know me but there is where the problem lies. I am also a loud person! Now how can a person be both shy and loud at the same time, kinda some sort of oxymoron! Well guys its true... There it’s out! It’s a problem I’ve been dealing with for a while…

Unlike most people who hate public speaking and prefer one-on-one conversations, I am the opposite. I prefer large groups, large settings, for me there is safety in numbers. But when it comes to one-to-one gwans, I melt! I never know what to say, I choke and make a quick dash to the nearest emergency exit. I find it difficult to express myself and to even open myself up, to really let someone in. Now the truth is I do let people in my life but it is a very slow and gradual process. And before I do warm up to people I may come across as a snob, inconsiderate or selfish but that is not the case I’m keeping to myself because I’m shy. I’m not open to letting them in, yet. (It’s funny how most of the people who read this will not be on the “shy list”. Maybe I should post this somewhere else for those who don’t know me to see) (LOL).

I also love spending lots of time by myself! This is a bad thing coz I over do it! I am able to let relationships die because I like to keep to myself. I told someone that and they say it’s laziness but I’ve thought about it and I really don’t think so. I just enjoy having a relatively small close circle of friends. I wonder how biblical that is? I really don’t believe it is… But the funny thing is that I don’t feel like my loud side and my shy side are lies. I honestly feel that I am both and I’m comfortable with it. The shyness to me is an internal condition meanwhile my loudness is the external condition, the wrapping for my internal nature… I just want people to understand that when I’m doing one thing in public and another in private I’m not being fake or anything like that. I’m just being me! And as we get to know each other and the shyness melts then I’ll be loud when I’m alone with you…

Hmmm… I wonder what a psychologist would say about this blog (not just a psychologist but anyone brave enough to be reading this blog too) (LOL)… I’d be interested to find out. (Hint, hint) I guess some of the psycho babble they would spew would be like... your loud side is a smoke screen you use to hide your insecurity. You are shy because things that have happened to you in the past. Well that could be true to a certain extent but it doesn’t change who I am today! This is me… then, exposed.

My Life As Bruce Wayne

Sorry Guys this blog post will be indefinitely delayed due to creative and moral reasons...
Like they say in the ads in Zim... "Any inconvenience is sincerely regretted."

Prison Break: Testimony

Alarm bells ring… Sirens howl… Dogs bark… Spot lights on! Snipers in position! The sound of heavy boots marching up and down the hallway with fully armed men ready… ready to kill! Inmates in their cells absorb the atmosphere and blaze the prison with their cheers and jeers… Over the P.A. system it is announced, “Code Blue everybody! Prisoner 210984 missed rollcall! He is trying to escape… Gentlemen we want him back dead or alive, what ever it takes, do not let that monster leave this facility!”

This week has seen the most aggressive attempt by Dee to try break out of prison to date. It was a close call, if it wasn’t for the fact that Warden J.C. was on duty, things could have ended in a bad way…

Have you ever had one of those weeks that ended in complete chaos and you never even saw it coming? It kinda sneaks up on you like a tram inspector! (LOL) Those are the weeks that the enemy escapes and runs amuck! LOL! Looking back on it, it is somewhat funny how that smallest break in defences or the letting down of the guard of a minute inspires a full frontal onslaught from the enemy, the deceiver and the accuser!

My problems this week seemed numerous but I think giving you only a brief synopsis will suffice. It all started when my boss tried to cheat me out of money that he owed me. And because of that I’ve found myself in a financially difficult situation this week. Then I’ve had to renew my visa and that had its own challenges. Then I realised I’m really behind with my uni work and I need to step up my game if I want to graduate at the end of the year. To top that off there was this other personal issue that had really thrown me off! Actually all those other problems don’t matter in magnitude and gravity as much as this one!!! This has been one of my most challenging weeks in a long, long while!

So how did I come from a point of thinking that my world was about to fall apart, to a point where I can put LOL in my blog and add on old ‘tram inspector’ jokes? Well it’s actually really simple, 1 Peter 5:6,7 says, “Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” All it took was to give the Lord the burdens of my heart because He cares for us! Obviously it’s easily said than done! And I tried resisting and doing things in my own strength, living in self-pity, but then I got a word, “Your troubles may seem like a mountain but the truth is things could be much worse. There are people out there who are going through more trails than you could handle!” Soon after that I heard news that a friend’s mother has been diagnosed with cancer… Wow! What a realty check is that? Your problems just seem so insignificant!

As Christians we should expect trails in our lives! We should expect a bit of suffering, if the devil doesn’t put obstacles in our way then we should ask why we don’t threaten the devil enough for him to try stopping what God is doing in our lives. “Rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.” (1 Peter 4:13) I know that my friend is strong! God loves him! God is doing a great work in him and that he has a high calling on his life! “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it” (1 Corinthians 10:13 - The Message). I know he will make it through this very difficult time because the Lord will not give him more than he can handle! For Christians the purpose of tests, trails and suffering is to prove their true character, to clear away the impurity from sin and allow the pure nature of Christ to show itself.

This helped me put things into perspective… I couldn’t let my problems beat me down! I had to give them to Christ who will deal with them because Ndumiso is not strong enough to deal with these problems by himself! The devil tried so hard to condemn me for the mistakes I had made this week, for all the feelings, thoughts and actions that were not of God! Dee tried so hard to loose himself upon the world because of the guilt and condemnation that could only come from the devil. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” The freedom that comes from a verse like that can not be verbalised! It set me free because even though my mistakes were “fleshly” my heart is in the Spirit! After I had confessed my sins and repented there was no reason for me to live in guilt because the blood of Jesus washed my sins away! AMEN!

So the next time you are having a bad week/day/hour/minute… confess and repent, cast your burdens on to Jesus and walk in victory knowing that you can on longer be condemned! If I had only learnt that sooner my week would not have seemed so difficult! Now Dee is captured once again and I can move on having learned what not do the next time so I can prevent another attempted prison break.

Guilt

Sha people... Have you ever had to get something off your chest so much that just thinking about it made your heart sink and your body weak? And this problem because of its closeness to the heart, then, flows into and affects other areas of your life. Well I have/had such a dilemma... Today, I actually went and talked to someone about it, hoping that it will be a release or major relief to get that certain issue (area of potential present/future conflict) off my chest...

Well, it didn't help at all and I'm wondering why that is... Usually I feel like a million bucks after I've gotten something off my chest, especially if it has been on there for a while like this item... Why do I feel so guilty? I wish I hadn't opened myself up like that! I wish I hadn't exposed myself like that... made myself vulnerable! I guess for me it's too deep and intimate to share my thoughts, my real thoughts! So what do you do in situations like that? Is it better to keep the gwan to yourself and hurt by yourself but be secure in knowing that no one else will know, no one else will get hurt and no one can judge you? Or is it better to get it off your chest, hurting people and opening yourself up for future attack or condemnation from those close to you? To be honest it feels like a lose-lose situation to me.
Hmmm.... I don't know!
(I never meant to hurt anybody!!!)