Hi blog friends, it’s been a while since my last blog entry. I’ve been lacking the inspiration to write anything, yet alone something even worth reading. But hey! I’m back but I cannot guarantee the worthiness of this piece of amateur prose, being worth reading…
Before I start let me say that there is no specific incident or occurrence that inspired the words of this blog. I’m just expressing myself as these feelings arise or as I have certain revelations… So the only thing you should be reading into are the words on the screen and not on the street. LOL!
Anyway with all that housekeeping aside….
What do you see when you look at Ndu? (Funny, this question actually relates to the blog carol wrote…) After talking to people and trying to understand how I look in the public eye (even though it doesn’t really matter to me as such). I really see that many people have me confused and they often misunderstand me or don’t see the full picture! So by now you should be getting the reason I called this blog entry “Exposed”. I’m about to expose a truth about me that people don’t really know or really understand…
I’m a really, really shy person! (I can imagine people laughing… but it’s cool coz I’m laughing too) That is really unbelievable coz y’all know me but there is where the problem lies. I am also a loud person! Now how can a person be both shy and loud at the same time, kinda some sort of oxymoron! Well guys its true... There it’s out! It’s a problem I’ve been dealing with for a while…
Unlike most people who hate public speaking and prefer one-on-one conversations, I am the opposite. I prefer large groups, large settings, for me there is safety in numbers. But when it comes to one-to-one gwans, I melt! I never know what to say, I choke and make a quick dash to the nearest emergency exit. I find it difficult to express myself and to even open myself up, to really let someone in. Now the truth is I do let people in my life but it is a very slow and gradual process. And before I do warm up to people I may come across as a snob, inconsiderate or selfish but that is not the case I’m keeping to myself because I’m shy. I’m not open to letting them in, yet. (It’s funny how most of the people who read this will not be on the “shy list”. Maybe I should post this somewhere else for those who don’t know me to see) (LOL).
I also love spending lots of time by myself! This is a bad thing coz I over do it! I am able to let relationships die because I like to keep to myself. I told someone that and they say it’s laziness but I’ve thought about it and I really don’t think so. I just enjoy having a relatively small close circle of friends. I wonder how biblical that is? I really don’t believe it is… But the funny thing is that I don’t feel like my loud side and my shy side are lies. I honestly feel that I am both and I’m comfortable with it. The shyness to me is an internal condition meanwhile my loudness is the external condition, the wrapping for my internal nature… I just want people to understand that when I’m doing one thing in public and another in private I’m not being fake or anything like that. I’m just being me! And as we get to know each other and the shyness melts then I’ll be loud when I’m alone with you…
5 comments:
I considered myself loud and outgoing for the longest, only to have people that know me, refer me to as shy... yea, i know, go figure.
In any case, when i do try and figure myself out, i find it rather hard.. one thing i am certain of tho, is that i seem a walking contraction to most people, but in my world all these polarities in me seem to reach some sort of delicate balance.
Anyways not here to hijack ur post, just showing love.
I r teh Spoons and i r love teh nandos
Hey Ndumi. You must be one of those people who is shy around new people but loud and comfy around familiar faces and loved ones.
But yes, I can see where you're coming from. You certainly know yourself well! :) I think there is wisdom in not letting every person you come across into your inner circle. Whilst we all need to learn to love, be loved, and risk being hurt, that doesn't mean we recklessly open ourselves up to more hurt than necessary.
Glad to be getting to know you for who you are.
LOL@ the words on the screen and not on the street!!
ya i totally relate to u on the being shy part, im the same way, around people im not comfortable with (and for me it seldom has anything to do with how long ive known u its more a chemistry thing and by that i mean do we connect or not) i may come accross as im not sure what the word is maybe yr word a snob may be it i dont know how they preceive me
and i didnt realise you were "a really really shy person" but now that u mention it and i think about it it kinda makes sense to me
Ya come thru Caz...
I think there is a huge element of chemistry in the mix! Thinking about it there are some people who i've known for a while who to whom i still appear quiet. And there are people who i hit it off with from the word "Go", like you! Hmmm... Interesting.
Ha ha!!
Be not fooled! Looks are deceptive.
Watch out for the loud ones, they are really shy and reserved.
Watch out for the quiet one, they are the dictators. They're just plotting to be the puppeteer, waiting for the apt time to pounce.
Ha ha. LOL. I'm kidding, in a truthful way.
Ndu, nna I think ur are a wise own. Ur wisdom is deep. Thats what I see when I see you. I see a thinker.
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